I’m Positive

positive-light

Hello! Again apologies for being so slow to update but its been a busy time.

If you follow me on Twitter you will see that I quit the job. The relief was huge and has lasted. It all came to a head last Thursday. There was only so much bitching, pettiness and bad management I could take.  I was sick of working 6 days with no notice, of not getting a break and of being treated like crap.  In the end I was very calm about it, I didnt shout or make a scene but I stated my grievances and asked that my resignation be accepted immediately- then I skipped down the street. I’m not going to write down everything that lead up to it cos I wouldn’t make a lot of sense to anyone else but me but trust me, it was bad.

So now I’m jobless again but I am able to sleep and dont have that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach every morning when I wake up. Money wise I’d gotten some tax back the week before and I had been putting some money aside in case of this anyway. I should be hearing about an interview date later this morning and I’ve been in touch with some more agencies so I’m not too worried. In fact I’m less worried than I was when I was made redundant in February. I just have a good feeling about things. I know I did the right thing because I had a dream the other night that I had to go back and the terror that I felt at that thought was far worse than not having a job!

Apart from that Weight Watchers in going well. I’m keeping withing my allocated points and exercising. I’m off to Killarney next weekend with the girls for 2 of their 30th’s and looking forward to that. I just need to find something nice to wear.

It feels so much better being positive about things right now. A lot less draining.

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Medium

hands

On Friday night I went to see a Medium. Believe me, its not the type of thing that I would normally do but my friend L had gone to see this woman a few months ago and found her excellent. She went to see her in Wexford but she was in Costa on holidays so I decided I might as well go cos I’d only be wondering otherwise.

I wasn’t too nervous about going til I was just about to go in. She was nice,  normal looking (not that I was expecting Mystic Meg!)- she just seemed like someone who was on her holidays. She took me into the apartment bedroom and explained what she did. At the start it seemed like none of what she was saying applied to me. She was getting strong grandmother spirits who were gentle souls- that is not a term that could have been applied to either of my grandmothers. She wasnt getting anything about my Mum, well not directly but there were a few things that applied to her. I told her why I was there and asked a few questions that she was able to answer. I didn’t get my hopes about it so I wasn’t too disappointed by what she was or wasn’t telling me. She did say about my Mum that she had gone too soon and was pretty accurate about exactly what was wrong with her.
Some parts were certainly accurate, she told me I had wanted to be a teacher and that I felt I wasn’t living up to my potential and I needed to do something about that. She saw me teaching but maybe not mainstream. That was accurate as I trained as an adult literacy tutor last year and would like to take that a bit further. She said that since December things had gotten very hard for me and that I was in a situation that I wasn’t happy with (work)

She said I wasn’t very interested in men and that I had a lot of issues within myself that I needed to work out before I could progress relationship wise. She also told me that I over analyzed everything and that was holding me back. She gave me a lot of names of people who were in my life which was a bit strange. Before I left I drew my “angel” cards and she saw a daughter in my future but again I’m taking that with a pinch of salt. She mentioned about eating for comfort, not necessarily with me (even though I know I do) but with someone around me.  She mentioned a  2 stone weigh tloss which WILL be me.

Personality wise I would say she was dead on. Regarding the spirits, yes there was some correct information, there was some bits that I didn’t have a clue about but thats OK. Would I go again? Probably not. I was curious, I wanted to see what it was like and now I’ve satisfied that curiosity.

Apart from that I’m still on the job hunt. I feel a bit better about things knowing that I’m being proactive about getting things sorted. I really do want to do a course in September but that’s proving difficult with this job as I wouldn’t be finished in time I do feel like I’m not living up to my potential and that’s spurring me on.

Diet wise I’ve been hitting a bit of a plateau so I’m doing a boot camp with some of the other IPDers. The only problem with that is that once I knew I was doing a boot camp I ate all around me over the weekend. I’m back on track now and giving the IPD another strict 2 weeks. If that doesn’t work I may join Littlemisswonders doing Unislim at home. I’m also doing to up my exercise again and  really aim to reach my Christmas goal.

Q & A

Came across this earlier and thought you may (or may not) be interested in some information about me. Anyway, here goes.

1. What time did you get up this morning?  8:30 (day off but wanted to get to the gym)

2. Diamonds or pearls? Pearls, its not just politics but I think diamonds are overhyped

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Star Trek and I can admit it turned me into quite the Trekkie.

4. What’s your favorite TV show? I like too many to pick a favourite!

5. What did you have for breakfast this morning? 2 mini Babybel

6. What’s your favorite cuisine? Chinese

7. What foods do you dislike? Lamb and Celery- bleughh

8. What is your favorite crisp flavor? Ready Salted/Prawn Cocktail

9. What’s your favorite CD at the moment?.Dont listen to CDs much its all about the iPOD but I’ve been listening to a lot of classic Madonna lately

10. What kind of car do you drive? Kia Picanto, I’ll be changing it as soon as I start earning proper money again.

11. What is your favorite sandwich? Toasted ham, cheese, tomato and onion

12. What is your favorite type of clothing? Dresses, I need some nice new ones.

13. Where would you like to travel to? Asia

15. What color is your bathroom? Blue and White

16. Favorite brand of clothing? I’m not into brands, if I like it I’ll buy it regardless

17. Where would you retire to? Netherlands or Australia

18. Favorite time of the day? Early evening

19. What was your most memorable birthday? My 21st, had a great party at home.

20. Where were you born? Cork.

21. Favorite sport to watch? Ice-skating, yes it is a sport!

22 Were you named after anyone? My middle name is the same as my Mums and was my great-grandmothers name

23. Do you wish on stars? Yes

24. Do you like your handwriting? Sometimes, when it’s neat.

25. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Yes.

26. Are you a daredevil? I wish I was but not really

27. Do looks matter? For first impressions I think they do somewhat but they shouldn’t

28. How do you release anger? I tend to bottle it up and then explode, its not big or clever but thats me.

29. Where is your second home? Cardiff

30. What were your favorite toys as a child? My toy flower house and Barbies

31. What class in high school was totally useless? Maths, I just couldnt get it.

32. What are your favorite movies? All About Eve, The Wrath of Khan,To Kill a Mockingbird, Whatever Happened to Baby Jane, Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner, The Color Purple, Ghost.

33. What are your living arrangements? Until I can afford a house I live with my Dad.

34. What are your nicknames? Siobh,

35. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Never

36. Do you think that you are strong? Yes, for various reasons I’ve had to be

37. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Pistachio

38. What are your favorite colors? Lilac

39. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My body issues.

40. Who do you miss the most? My Mum and my Nan

41. What color pants are you wearing? Grey (they’re not old they’re meant to be!)

42. What are you listening to right now? Emmerdale

43. Last thing you ate? A pork chop and cauliflower cheese

44. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Pink, you’d have to press really hard to see me!

45. Last person you talked to on the phone? A recruitment agency

46. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Height

47. Favorite drink? Vodka or Diet Coke but not together

48. Do you wear contacts? No, glasses

49. Favorite day of the year? Christmas Eve

50. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy Endings

51. Summer or winter? Winter

52. Hugs or kisses? Hugs

53. What is your favorite dessert? Ice-cream or cheesecake

54. What book(s) are you reading? I’ve just re-read The Diary of Anne Frank for the 100th time.

55. What’s on your mouse pad?  I dont have one

56. What did you watch last night on TV? Four Weddings on Living TV.

57. Favorite smells? The Sea, Freshly cut grass, clean clothes

58. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles.

59. What’s the furthest you’ve been away from home? Australia

60.What do you hate dislike about where you live? Xenophobia and racism which I’m sorry to say are still rife in Ireland.

Quick Catch Up.

Been a bit lax with the blog lately so apologies. Well, had my birthday- 28 now. I had a lovely day and a great night out on Saturday with some newer but really good mates. Well I say night out, we started at 2pm and I rolled home at 3am. I was remarkably not hungover on Sunday (which when you think of it is slightly worrying)

I got some lovely presents, my Dad picked out a fab necklace for me (which I would have picked myself so that was ace) and the usual Dad present- money. My brother got me a Wii- which I wasn’t expecting at all, we dont normally go for big presents for birthdays but I was a thank you for a few other bits as well. Thanks P.

My friends must reckon I pong as I got plenty of perfume- I have quite the collection now, I need to get through them before they go off. I dont have one signature scent- I like to vary and with the collection I have now I could have a different smell for every occassion. I must take a picture when I think of it. Apart from that I’m still keeping up with the Couch to 5K programme at the gym, I’m on week 4 now so far so good. I also got My Fitness Coach for the Wii and it rocks. My diet went on the backburner what with my birthday and it was my Dads this week so I couldn’t not eat the cake (that would have been rude!!) but I’m back on track now.

I’m expecting to get a call about the new job next week regarding starting dates etc. Im still looking for something else but, yeah it will tide me over for now. I actually came across a job on recruit Ireland today that looked perfect and belonged to an agency that I’m registered with but when I rang them about it they were clueless, I’m going to try again tomorrow, I dont want to let it pass me by without even going for it.

I’ve a few other bits to tell you but my computer is on a bit of go slow tonight so I’ll have to leave it at that for now.

Time to Raise the Stakes.

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As I mentioned in a previous post I am currently following the Idiot Proof Diet ( also known as Pig to Twig) I’m doing this along with some of the girls from Beaut.ie and we’re emailing and encouraging each other. I’ve always been a bit of a yo-yo dieter and I’m sick of it. This is my fourth week following this plan and so far it’s going OK.

Its based on a low-carb plan but not as severe as Atkins, bits of it are really tough though- you can’t have fruit in Phase 1 and some veg is restricted. Also the only non alcoholic drinks allowed are water (3 litres a day is recommended, my poor bladder!!!) and decaf tea and coffee. I’m not weighing myself at the moment but I have been feeling a lot lighter, however I’m the type of person who wants results NOW!!! I also think I have to watch my portion sizes a bit and cut out the cheese. I’m going to stick with it though- the weekend was a bit of bummer, although you’re allowed alcohol- well spirits I feel the V&Ts on Saturday didn’t do me much good. The other slight problem I’m having is without going into too much detail is that it seems to affect “regularity” .

Anyway  I am determined to lose weight- even if it takes me a while, I will do it. Part of the IPD is that you need to write out your stakes so I’m going to do it here as a reminder for me and well, maybe you’ll be interested.

  • Health, I don’t want weight to affect my health in later life
  • I want to go shopping and buy whatever I want
  • I want to wear a bit less when it’s hot and feel good.
  • I want to feel confident in my clothes
  • I want to wear great jeans
  • I want to pose for photographs without cringing that I’ll look huge in them
  • If I get invited to an occassion (wedding/holiday/party/nightout) I don’t want to feel sick thinking about what I’ll wear.
  • I have a lot of clothes from when I was thinner that I love and want to wear again
  • I want to wear skirts, strappy tops, shirts and tight t-shirts.
  • I love fashion and want to follow it more

I am quite tall and have a larger frame. I know I look my best when I’m around a size 12-14. I’ll never be a size 10 and that’s fine with me. I’m not weighing myself for a while because I know I get a bit obsessive so I’m just going to go by measurements and my clothes for a bit.

I think my stakes are high but worth it and looking at that list  achieving that is more important than eating a tub of Ben and Jerry’s.

Parties With Friends

friends

Tonight I’m going to a party. Fun, yes? Well to be honest I’m not sure

If you’d have asked me last year- well make that two years ago about the host, S, I would have said she’d was my best friend. Not my oldest friend, that would be C or F but this was the person I felt I could be myself around more than anyone. We had plenty of drunken nights out, weekends away, phone calls and texts with running commentary while watching Corrie or Eastenders.

Then almost two years ago my Mum passed away. That night S was away in Capital City for work and I rang and rang to talk to her but she didn’t have her phone with her. Not her fault I know and eventually I got hold of her. I knew logically she couldn’t come back I’m not that silly but I wanted my friend. She also couldn’t come to the funeral because of work which really hurt, its still does to be honest but some things can’t be controlled. When she came to see me a few days later it was like she didn’t know what to say, she didn’t sympathise with my Dad and I felt didn’t handle things well- unlike my other friends who in my opinion were really there when I needed them.

I told her all this and we talked about it and I thought moved on. But now I don’t think I did. When it was coming up to the one year anniversary I thought to myself “I’ll wait and see does she say anything” It was like I was testing her. I will admit to being a bit immature and snappy- in my defense I was having a hard time. This wasn’t helped by a friend of hers having moved over here and me feeling a bit left out- I know, I know childish.

On the day of the anniversary I heard nothing- everyone else text me, I had cards from people in work, got taken out to lunch but it looked like S had failed my test. I didn’t text her cos in my mind- why the hell should I?. My birthday rolled around a few days later (tough timing huh?) and again no text. However that afternoon I received a lovely bunch of flowers from her. I realised I was being silly and text her to say thanks and…. nothing back. I tried again later… nothing. The next day I got a text back but got the distinct impression that S was also annoyed with me. But I was the injured party right?

Rather than talking about it I sent an email outlining how I felt about things, we had a bit of a to-do and I thought the air had been cleared. Then we didn’t talk for 5 months. How did that happen? You know- I’m still not sure. It was stubbornness, not communicating properly and a lot of other things. I was dealing with a lot of stuff and couldn’t process it.

What I will say at this point is this is one side of the story, if you spoke to S you may hear a different version, this is my take on things, I’m not saying I’m totally in the right.

Anyway, in November I cracked, I text I emailed and then we spoke on the phone. I took a lot of responsibility (maybe too much) and we met up. Things were a bit awkward but I thought we were back on an even keel. We exchanged xmas presents. The texts and calls were a bit less, we were busy, S had some new friends but we were friends.

Anyway since Christmas I think we’ve seen each other once, we text, IM or call each other the odd time. Sometimes it feels like old times, sometimes it doesn’t. Now tonight we have this party. Its her birthday party and on her card I told her I will alway be her friend and I hope we can get back what we had. That may sound clingy but I’m going to be honest I miss my friend, I miss my old life. Maybe we’ve gone too far and can’t get back the friendship we had. Maybe I deserve better. I have had a bad attitude to a lot of things, that attitude has been somewhat readjusted in the last while. We’ll just have to see what happens

So I’m off to the party tonight, I have a new dress, a present and a bottle. C is coming along with me. There will be people there I don’t know. I’m nervous, part of me doesn’t want to go but go I will and if this friendship had bitten the dust I’ll live but I hope it doesn’t come to that.

Shop ’til you drop.

shopping

Whew, I’m pooped. Bit of a long day.
I had one of those nights sleep last night where you go to sleep fine but wake up with a start at 3am. I think I finally dropped off at about 5am and the binmen woke me what seemed like 5 minutes later but in real time was about 8.
I had to go to Closest City today, one of my friends is having a party tomorrow and I had nothing to wear. Now, I know everyone says that but in this case it’s true. I’m a bit in between sizes at the moment due to this diet and weightloss program I’ve undertaken- though not as inbetween as I’d like to be.
I was hoping to pick up a cheap dress in Pennys (Primark to you non- Irish readers) but no such luck. I know it’s a cheapy shop but sometimes you can get some real gems, not today though. I had a look in Awear and New Look (Jesus, New Look is gone crap!!) and eventually decided to go to shopping centre 2. My brother was with me suitably bored but, hey it was his choice to tag along.
At Shopping Centre 2 we grabbed a burger (no bun for me, I’ve turned into a no-carber) and I discovered Debenhams had 20% off everything, woo hoo. Eventually found a dress in Oasis that was originally marked €60, which I wouldn’t have paid but was down to €51 and with another 20% off didn’t seem too bad so sorted,a along with some accessories and undies I’m good to go. It was one of those days where I could have brought loads but I’ve a few things coming up in the next few weeks and I need to save a few cent.
Then after a short drive to Next Town West which is driving and parking HELL but where my bank is located to lodge some bill money, here I am at home along with sore feet a frayed temper and a bit less cash but having achieved my goal for today at least.
Is it too early to go to bed now????

PS This is the dress I got in case you want to see it .I like it and it looks OK on. I’ll probably wear it with opaques and heels. I’m hoping once I’ve lost a bit more weight I’m a bit more confident with dresses and skirts the way I used to be.